Have you ever heard that sexual orientation can be fluid?

When it comes to sexual orientation, many people think it's fixed from birth — you either like boys or girls. But actually, for quite a lot of girls, the balance of their feelings might slowly shift over time, or even change direction entirely. Today, let's talk about this in simple terms to help you understand the little changes in your heart.

What is the fluidity of sexual orientation?

Simply put, the people you're attracted to might not stay the same forever. You might have only had feelings for boys a few years ago, but one day suddenly find a girl really charming. Or you might have always thought you only liked girls, but later developed feelings for a boy.

There's an American psychologist named Lisa M. Diamond who followed 79 girls for ten years. She found that two-thirds of them had experienced such changes. It's not just about who they liked emotionally — even who they found attractive or even fantasized about could change. This shows that feelings aren't just black or white.

Why is girls' sexual orientation more likely to change?

Compared to boys, girls' feelings seem more "flexible," and there are a few reasons for this.

First, physical reasons. Girls experience significant hormonal fluctuations throughout their lives: during puberty, pregnancy, and menopause, hormones like estrogen and progesterone rise and fall, which might affect who they're attracted to. For example, some girls suddenly feel more comfortable with the same sex during pregnancy, and this could be related to hormonal changes.

Then there's daily life. Don't you think female friendships can be especially close? Holding hands, hugging, and sharing heartfelt thoughts all feel natural. This closeness can sometimes gradually lead to different feelings. What's more, society is more tolerant of girls expressing their emotions, so we're more willing to try different kinds of relationships.

Besides, when girls are in romantic relationships, they value emotional connection a lot. If you get along really well with someone of the same sex and all your emotional needs are met, it's totally normal to slowly develop feelings for them. It's like how some girls in all-girls schools or workplaces with only female colleagues might unknowingly catch feelings because they have such good relationships with their peers.

How can sexual orientation change?

There are several ways a girl's feelings can shift.

Some changes are temporary. For example, during the teens to early twenties — a time when you're figuring out who you like — you might suddenly feel attracted to girls, but a few years later, realize you still like boys, or like both.

Some changes happen because of certain events. Like, after a really bad relationship that leaves you completely disappointed in boys, you might try getting along with girls and find you're much happier with them, slowly starting to like girls.

There's also the more unique case — it happens because of one specific person. For instance, you might have only liked boys before, but then meet a particular girl and instantly feel attracted, even though you still don't feel anything for other girls.

What if your sexual orientation changes?

First, tell yourself: this is totally normal! Feelings aren't fixed, so there's no need to feel confused or guilty just because things are different from before. Liking someone isn't a mistake — what matters is that you feel comfortable.

Then, don't rush to label yourself. You don't have to force yourself to say "I must be straight" or "I must be gay." Just slowly feel what's in your heart. Talk to different people, get along with them, and you'll naturally figure out what kind of person you like.

If you really can't make sense of it, talking to a psychologist is a good idea. They'll listen to you and help sort out your thoughts. You can also chat with sisters who've had similar experiences — you'll find that many people have gone through such changes.

After all, feelings are your own business, and you should do what makes you comfortable. No matter if you like boys or girls, no matter when your heart changes, as long as it's sincere, it deserves to be treated well. Be brave, follow your heart, and you'll always find a way to be happy.